This week Anabelle has been sick ( I have mentioned in other posts). I stayed home with her Monday and was really productive and happy all day. When I had to stay home with her on Wednesday it was a different story, I was so tired all day and could not get the energy to do anything. I even dosed off for a minute here and there and Belle would touch my face and yell, "MAMA!!" At around 12pm Greg asked me if we could go and get him some food so, Belle and I left and went to Whole Foods. I thought that this would be a great opportunity for me to get out and wake up.
This is a particularly large store and there is an escalator with a side escalator just for the carts. I ALWAYS go up the escalator and put the cart besides us in the other thing ( I have NO idea what it is called). So as I was getting ready to take Belle out of the cart and push it up the escalator it engaged in the motor and the cart started going up. I grabbed Anabelle so fast and tried to get her out but the angle was already weird and I could not get her out. In that brief second, so many awful thoughts raced through my head and I ran up there with her. People were yelling up to me and I was climbing up this thing to get her out. I yelled down and asked someone to stop the escalator. Just a little reminder that this was at lunch time and there were so many people there picking up their lunches. Ok, back to the story. Someone stopped the machine and I just stood there in this cart thing and I just lost it! I started crying and I could not get her out. People were trying from the escalator and they could not get her either. Finally, a man climbed up this thing, got her out, handed her to another man who then handed her to me. I held her like it was nobody's business. I went to a secluded area of the store and just cried and held my baby! I love her so much and although this was not a serious issue because I would have stayed with her the whole time in that thing. The thought of anything happening to her just made me lose my mind.
After I gathered myself for a minute, I decided to go get the cart which at this point had made it to the second floor, it still had blankie and milk in it. I grab the cart and I instantly see people that were in the crowd at the bottom of the escalator. They were all really sweet and telling me that it was ok and that I handled the situation well and that it was just a mechanical error.
I stood in line at the hot bar and was waiting for someone to be able to help me. There were a few people in line ahead of me and I was just waiting and honestly trying not to be seen because I was mortified. I finally order and received my food and overhear the man in line ahead of me talking about what happened on the escalator. He then said, "I mean, parent of the year award right there." (in a sarcastic tone). I wanted to punch him in the face! I was so angry and I dont even think that I said thank you to the man helping me at the bar. I walked up to him and said, "That is me that you are talking about" He quickly looked away and I continued... " I think that it is inappropriate of you to judge someone when you are unaware of the circumstances. The cart got stuck and I did the best that I could. And, I am a very good parent!" My heart was racing and there were so many other things that I wanted to say to him like, I wonder how many times he has stayed home with a sick child from work, or how many times he had gone to the grocery store with a 2 year old, or how I wonder how many stupid things he had done in his life, or why he feels the need to point out my parenting skills because of one silly situation, or hey how about the fact that I risked my own safety but climbing inside this thing to insure my daughters safety. I felt so much anger and frustration, at everything. I made a b-line to the cashier and quickly just got to the car. I felt like everyone was staring at me and I needed to leave.
I got in the car and called my mom to help calm me down and while I was telling her the story I just started crying again. I could not hold in my emotion and I needed to let go of all the feelings that were boiling inside of me. Anabelle was already in her car seat and I heard her softly call my name, I looked back at her and she was holding out her hand and looked in my eyes and said, "hand". She is what made me realize all of what happened in the store doesn't matter. All those people that were staring at me and judging me behind my back or talking bad about me to others- They don't matter. My daughter was safe and she is all I care about. She didn't think anything less of me and she was still there to comfort me! She makes all the bad and ugly disappear by her love and beauty.
Anabelle is the world to me and I would do anything for my precious girl!
1 comment:
Geeez sweetie give yourself a break. That is why God made children so resilient...because He made their parents human. I would have punched that guy out...but that's my Irish temper talking. = )
Post a Comment